So here's it is. If you're anything like me, you'll know what I mean when I say I'd spent several years in a curious state of apathy and disgust about my body and the 'shape' it was in. Maybe shape isn't the right word, unless you mean lack of shape? Let me define what I mean by shape. .. .. I mean fitness, like 'being in good shape', not my body's silhouette shape. :) People would tell me I had a nice figure, that I had great curves, or a 'nice shape'. That's all well and good (like they're going to really say, 'hey, you could stand to lose some weight'?!) but, when what YOU really want to see in the mirror is a lot less jiggles and a lot more fit, having 'good curves' just feels more like blob than anything else. Most especially when the clothing begins to get tight in places that just don't look good. I am just NOT one of those who embrace my jiggly parts!
I've always admired fit, lean bodies. Not crazy huge muscles and all of that business (because I tend to favor healthy doses of things, and, really? roids don't seem particularly healthy to me! Hello overboard), but FIT bodies. Nice muscle tone, but still lean. HEALTHY. Strong. Just. .... . FIT!
Fit like this:
Most definitely NOT like this:
Okay so that's some people's thing, and I'm not saying there's anything wrong with that! I just don't want to look like that. Mmmm K?! :)
Anyway. I've never been obese by any stretch, but over the past 5-7 years I'd say that a good 25 pounds have settled their way onto my lower half (aka: booty, thighs), arms (hello thick and shapeless), and more recently, my stomach - which until recently I was always lucky to have had stay relatively flat with a small waist. And for the first time in my life, I was seeing pooch belly coming on, and it was starting to flat out scare me. Don't get me wrong - this insidiousness didn't just happen on it's own - I was pretty helpful in that I had turned into a couch potato. I'm not going to deny it. LACK. OF. ACTIVITY. What did I expect? But that didn't mean I had to like it!
I absolutely adore springtime. .... the flowers, everything growing and new, the sunshine and the warmth. But the past few years spring (and later, summer) was nothing more than a double-edged sword to me because though I adore the time of year. .. . warmer weather means less clothing. Less clothing means exposing . . . . well, all the yuk. It's either reveal the pasty, cottage-cheeseness. ... or sweat to your death in too much clothing (and if you live in Kansas, well, you know what humid, HOT summers are like!). Short sleeves? Arrrghh! Unless you want to wear granny short sleeves, it's all about the cap sleeve.... which actually accentuates my Lunchlady arms. Shorts? Even worse. What I wouldn't give for slim legs. ... but in my family, it is just not to be. Even my legs have too many 'curves' for me. And veins. And cellulite. Seriously. Ix-nay on the Horts-say. It's capris for me. Period. And God forbid there be an occasion to wear a swimsuit - oh, pure, unadulterated torture! Especially when you feel like your fat jiggly thighs could start a fire from the friction caused by them rubbing together when you walk.
Verrrry graceful walking down the beach, wouldn't you say?
I was big into yoga (and still love it though only do it once a week now) for about two years. I was in great shape and could handle a LOT of punishment. .... hot yoga, hot vinyasa, hard classes! Bring on the torture! :) Mind over matter - I had it DOWN! But on top of all that capability and strength and endurance was . .. . . well, the usual goo in the usual places. It just WOULDN'T go away! I love yoga for how it makes me feel physically and mentally, but you would think all that work and activity would pay off over two years, wouldn't you? So I must just have the most stubborn metabolism known to this earth or something. How is THAT fair? The answer: it's not. Or else there was some key component (nutrition, maybe?) that was lacking.
Incidentally, I also was training for a half-marathon about 4 years ago. I went running at least an hour or more, 4 times a week! Cardiovascularly I was great...... . but I didn't lean down one bit, and I didn't lose one pound. Serious! And if I tried to eat less to burn more fat, I would just bonk during my workouts, for lack of energy.
A good guy friend of mine who was in super great shape and with whom I had discussed my woes (somewhat) delicately put it to me this way, "How bad do you want it?" (to be in shape) Wellllll, I wanted to lose weight and get in shape. ... but some silly part of me thought that it should be easy and happen without much effort I guess (mental Obstacle 1). I still couldn't get motivated enough to make myself work out regularly (mental Obstacle 2). And another part of the problem for me (besides wanting to indulge in my sweet tooth when the urge struck me - I mean hello? Who wants to deny themsleves!? Umm, mental Obstacle 3) was not knowing WHICH kind of exercise I should be doing to get results. Should I do more cardio to burn fat? (that didn't work with running). Or more weights because muscle burns more fat(I tried weight lifting at one point in my late 20's.. ... got strong, didn't lean down one bit)? What should I eat? All protein and not care about fat (Atkins, tried it)? More protein and healthy carbs (South Beach, tried it), or a Zone of protein and carbs? And I knew I didn't want to be one of those people who obsessively count calories and grams of protein and spend crazy dollars on supplements and eat meat til they puke to 'build'. No thanks!
Short of actual plastic surgery (aka: lipo). .... what was the answer?
So really? I'm not that different than anyone else, and I recognize that I was probably luckier than most in that I didn't have more than 25 or 30 pounds to lose. But my 25 or 30 are the most stubborn kind... .. reducing that fat covering up those muscles. I'm one of the millions who is simply overwhelmed with the choices and the hype. Who wants to waste their time on something that won't work? Who wants to waste their time and money trying a billion different things in hopes of finding one thing that works?! Who has time and energy for that? What if nothing works, how frustrating is that?!
I guess something finally clicked with me one day. Maybe it was a culmination of being so fed up for so long, and being so disgusted with how I looked. Maybe part of me FINALLY realized that it takes a mental committment to make a change, and that change doesn't happen overnight. So much of our culture is instant gratification - we want the results overnight versus working for them..... and I'm no exception to that secret wish! Well, I guess I finally realized that thinking that way wasn't getting me anywhere positive. In fact, it was severely holding me back!
So what did I do and how did I do it? Check out my next posts and you'll find out! :) Hope you've enjoyed my blog so far. .. and that you'll come back to find out what happens next!
No comments:
Post a Comment